10 Things to Know Before Dating the Stubborn Girl

It can be tough dealing with the stubborn girl who refuses to admit she’s wrong at times and refuses to take help form anyone. The Stubborn girl really is the independent girl. There are certain qualities and traits that we have that may be tough to swallow at first but I promise you, we’re worth the time.

1) We don’t like to be told we’re wrong.

I would tread lightly when deciding to tell us that we’re wrong. Even if you know for a fact that you’re correct and we’re not, it’s still borderline if you should say something. We’ll argue till we’re blue in the face that we’re right because we don’t like being told we’re wrong. It’s automatic for us to get defensive when we’re told we’re wrong.

2) We just don’t like to be wrong in general.

We will usually go to battle with the answers we come up with. So when we realize we’re wrong we won’t be the first to admit it. We don’t like being wrong and will make sure gather all of our facts before starting a debate with you.  Though we will admit it, if there’s enough proof and it will be extremely hard for us to do this. Which leads to the fact we don’t learn the first time. It generally takes a few times for us to get it right or realize we’re wrong because we don’t like to be wrong.

3) We apologize a lot. 

When we’ve hurt someone or we’re wrong we own up to it. We have this issue of saying sorry over and over again because we’re first to be hard on ourselves and want to make sure that you know we truly are sorry.

4) We put all of our emotions into everything.

We have this problem of diving into everything without dipping our toes in sometimes. We have big hearts and we want to share that with everyone so we put all of our emotions into whatever we do. Work, relationships, friendships activities etc. At times it may seem like much but we’re not trying to be difficult, it’s just who we are in nature.

5) We don’t like to be taken care of, especially when we’ve been drinking.

We may be walking in a zigzag line and the words we’re saying may make absolutely no sense. Though we don’t want you to take care of us, it’s like losing a little bit of your independence and we don’t like to have to rely on anyone for anything. When clearly this is a moment that leaning on someone is a great idea, we’re going to tell you we’re just fine and try to do everything on our own. Keep trying eventually we’ll give in, or our mumbling telling you no will be taken as a yes.

6) We worry.

We do this a lot. We worry if we’re too over the top at times, or if we’re not doing enough to show we’re interested. We worry about life, love, work, school, family and every little thing in between.

7) We overthink everything. 

This stems from the worrying. We overthink everything because we don’t take advice easily and we like to figure things out on our own. Our brain tries to get ten steps ahead of us and sometimes that leads to overthinking. We can take something so small and make it seem so much worse because we have issues with slowing down.

8) We’re loyal. 

When we decide that you’re an important person in our lives, we’re always going to be there for you. Whether we haven’t talked in months, or we just talked ten minutes ago, you need us we’ll be there. Loyalty is so hard to come by and we want those close to us to know that there is at least one person in your corner at all times. When it gets tough we don’t throw in the towel.

9) We like a challenge. 

The more difficult the situation the more we’re up to the challenge. We don’t like life easy, we like to work for the things we have and we’re proud of it. Whether it’s flag football, trivia or getting the guy that thinks he’s unworthy of a relationship we’re up for it.

10) We don’t conform. 

We’re not going to change the things we do because someone doesn’t like it or it doesn’t fit in with society. We aren’t like every other girl out there. We know what we want, we go after it, and we refuse to let anything stand in our way. Some people may roll their eyes at us and ask us why we have to be so stubborn and well, because it’s just simply in our blood.

Admit it, life’s a little more fun with the sassy stubborn girl, if you’re willing to take the risk.

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I Didn’t Need You, I Wanted You to Want Me Back

“You were always better than I was at letting go, better at turning off the lights, better at being alone. You were always the lighthouse, the port in a storm. You always needed me less, I always wanted you more. I just thought that if I loved you hard enough, you’d maybe not go.” 

There’s a problem with letting your heart lead your decisions, you generally end up the one hurt in the situation. The person that hurts you is the one that you never really thought would do it either. You’re left sitting there wondering what you did wrong when really you didn’t do anything wrong. It isn’t your fault the guy you thought was something couldn’t see what was sitting right in front of him.

He couldn’t come up with good reasons why he kept pushing you away so he reversed the roles that he was used to, and made it seem like you were the one who was doing something wrong so he didn’t have to face the fact that it was him. He knew what buttons to push, to finally achieve what he was trying to do, not face the facts that he had feelings for you. He finally was able to push you away, and one day that decision is one he will regret.

You see calling me a damsel in distress upset me for like ten minutes, especially because I know that isn’t true. I know you used it because you knew it’d be the final nail in the coffin so to speak. I am a strong independent young woman who has seen more heartache and drama than anyone deserves and you were one person I thought would never throw something like that in my face. I’ve never played the victim and I’m not going to start now. I won’t apologize for being me, because I know that I am worthy of so much more.

I won’t apologize for loving you; you see you taught me some valuable lessons in life that I had forgotten. Like how to have fun and just enjoy the moment and not to let everything stress me down. I had forgotten what it was like to go out and dance and laugh and just enjoy being young. You made me laugh when I didn’t want to, held me close when I wasn’t feeling strong, always made me feel beautiful and constantly reminded me that I’m smarter than I think, even after a few hours of studying the same thing over and over.

You broke my heart, irreconcilable differences on why we couldn’t be together. Yet I couldn’t give up on you, because as much as I couldn’t force you to want to be with me, I couldn’t force my heart to stop wanting you but that doesn’t make me a damsel in distress. It make’s me a woman who knows what she wanted and that she wasn’t going to let something so good be ruined by insecurities and fear.

I wasn’t looking for prince charming to come and rescue me, I didn’t and don’t need to be rescued. I take care of myself and do a damn good job at it, and I wanted to share in this journey with you.

So I’ll quote the wonderful Taylor Swift who says it the best: “Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairy tale, I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.” 

To The Guy Who Let Fear Get in the Way of Love

“If we deny love that is given to us, if we refuse to give love because we fear pain or loss, then our lives will be empty, our loss greater.” Oprah Winfrey

You were the mastermind behind shutting people out, though no one would be able to tell just by looking at you. You let out this persona of the carefree guy, who has no worries and is so easy going.

There was however one girl who didn’t fall for it. She knew there was more to you behind that carefree smile than you let on, and she knew this because she was the same way. To your friends you were the guy who was up for anything, made friends easily and seemed to have the perfect life going. You found a girl that was able to hang out with you for more than a few hours without getting annoyed and things were going great. You found yourself looking forward to the next time you’d get to spend time with her, her good morning texts always put a smile on your face and when your day was absolutely terrible she was the first person you wanted to talk to.

Things were going great, she felt comfortable enough around you to let down her guard and show you who she really was and didn’t mind letting you in on her past. Each day you spent together she found herself forgetting the rule she set up, to take it slow and to guard her heart because it had been shattered before. With each kiss, and touch you broke down a barrier that she thought she had put up so strongly, enough to withstand a hurricane but with little effort, as much as a breeze you watched it fall over.

However you didn’t give her the opportunity to tear down the wall that you worked so hard on. Every time she felt like she chiseled a little way into it, you’d find a reason to put three more layers on top of it. The relationship was doomed from the get go and she had no idea she was spiraling into a typhoon, because you had set an end date on the relationship from the very beginning. Due to things that were no way in her control you continue to let past relationships define your future relationships. You assume the worst before they even start, and compare each to the last. This girl had no intentions of using you, lying to you, manipulating you, disrespecting you or not treating you like the great guy you really are.

Those glorious girlfriends of the past continue to haunt your future and have potentially ruined the first really good relationship you could have had. You decided you weren’t going to get hurt anymore and you made sure that it wasn’t possible, however it does have to hurt a little bit. You let the fear of being hurt, rejected and heartbroken stop you from being loved. You told her you were just two different people, in order to protect yourself from the pain of heartbreak. She was the real deal though.

In life there are so many things to be afraid of, and so many reasons to overcome those fears. Some of the best memories and moments come from giving into your fears, from stepping away from your comfort zone and embracing the unknown. Relationships are scary; love is petrifying, and giving your heart to someone and not knowing what they’re going to do with it, heart stopping. It is also one of the most rewarding experiences as well, one that you’re missing out on. That girl’s tried to stick beside you, despite the pain you’ve put her through. She knew you were a good thing when she saw you, and she still see’s the best in you despite it all, she thinks you deserve to be loved but you let fear stand in the way and I for one feel extremely sorry for you.

“Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” 

5 Things to Know Before Dating the Girl Who’s Starting Over

“Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken. Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.”

We’re all on this wonderful journey called life and some of us are just starting over, either picking up the pieces and rebuilding or moving onto fresh ideas and new places. There’s only a few things to know about girls like us.

  • Be Patient With Us. We’ve been hurt and we’re still picking up the pieces. We may at moments come across guarded or seem like we aren’t happy with where we are but there are moments that we just get caught up in. Be patient with us, we may cry at times and you may start wondering what you did, though chances are you didn’t do anything wrong we just get stuck in a memory. Which doesn’t mean we are comparing you to what we’ve been through we just can’t forget it that easily and it creeps up every once in awhile. They say patience is a virtue and if you can find it in your heart to take your time with us you won’t be disappointed.
  • We’re fiercely independent. We’ve decided that we aren’t going to rely on anyone so we take care of ourselves. That goes along with the fact that we’ve been let down by others. We have our own jobs; our own homes and we do our own things. We value our alone time just as much as the next person but we’re willing to give up a little bit of our independence and let you in a little bit. We appreciate when you take us out to dinner or randomly surprise us, however we also like to share the responsibility so every once in awhile let us pick up the tab, we know it isn’t your favorite thing to do so we’re just asking you to let us do it every once in awhile.
  • We want you to be around. We don’t let others in, especially guys so if we’ve shown any interest in you being around we really want you to be there. We may have funny ways of showing it and sometimes we may seem too attached. It may seem like a roller coaster with us but give it some time and don’t think that your presence isn’t appreciated.
  • We’re still figuring things out. We don’t exactly know what we want out of life. Heck we’re lucky if we know what we want to make for dinner and that’s okay. Chances are we’ve moved to a new area and we haven’t figured out where anything is. We also may not know what we’re currently looking for in a relationship. We will want to take things slow, because we’re still trying to figure out what route to take. This doesn’t mean that we don’t want you to be apart of it because sometimes when two people are figuring things out together it goes so much more smoothly.
  • We don’t’ know what tomorrow is going to bring and that’s okay. Honestly, we’re just glad we woke up, didn’t look like a train wreck, managed to wear a different pair of jeans and contributed somewhat to society today. Don’t ask us what we’re planning on doing in five years, five months or even five days. We’re just enjoying life, and we’re taking in every moment that we can. We’re experiencing new things that we’ve never been able to do and we’re learning to love ourselves. So if you’re up for an adventure which we promise this is going to be, so don’t give up on us. You’ll be shocked and surprised that the journey is worth the ride.

An open letter to the woman who treats me like her own

Thank you for being the rock that you are.

First and foremost, thank you. Without you I wouldn’t know how to survive this crazy journey called life. When my days are long and my nights seem longer I know all I have to do is pick up the phone and you are right there. Throughout the years I’ve learned that there are people that come into your life at the right moments. Its moments like this that you don’t realize will create an impression that you will continue to carry forth everyday of your life.  

I never expected sixteen years ago that the neighbors across the street would become my lifeline. The woman who used to ask us about our homework and take us on random trips just because would become the one I go to for advice.  From something simple as what goes best with chicken or do I really need to buy this or can I get away with that? To the moment when I’m panicking because I’ve spent way too long on web md and worry that I’m dying, to you reassuring me that I just have a cold and that I really am not dying. Then to the current dilemmas of boy issues and wanting to cry and strangle someone at the same time, which you’ve always assured me that strangling them isn’t going to solve anything so really thank you for that.

From reassuring me that my English degree isn’t a mistake and that moving six hours from home though scary was really the right thing to do. You never give up on me or put me down for the things I decide to do and I appreciate everything you do. You put my brother, sisters and I above everything else and set such a fantastic example for us. You do so much for us and you never ask or expect anything in return.

For me it means so much more than anyone realizes because you don’t have to be that person for me. You didn’t have to take me in when I was struggling in high school with no one to turn to and you didn’t have to include me in on everything family related. You don’t have to tell people you have three kids that go to the same college and that you’re oldest there is applying for law school and has moved out on her own. You don’t have to do any of the things you do.

But I am so grateful and so glad that you do. A lot of girls my age fight with their mothers and don’t look at them like their best friends but I do. You are one of my biggest role models and my support system and I am so proud of everything you do. I think I appreciate you a little more because you choose to be in my life, and I love telling people about you and my siblings because you are some of the most important people in my life.

So I’ll start with a thank you. From the bottom of my heart, there will never be a way that I can truly express to you what you mean to me or how truly grateful I am for everything you do.

If there was an award for the best mom out there, I’d give it to you in a heartbeat but until then a simple I love you and a thank you will have to do.

To The Guy I Gave My Heart To

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To the guy I gave my heart to,

You know who you are so I don’t have to name you. You came into my life when I wasn’t really sure of myself and had decided that all men were exactly the same, set out to disappoint me. I wasn’t looking for you when you came back into my life but I knew after a few days I was hooked.

You made me laugh more than I had in a long time and for once I caught myself looking forward to what could become. You began to rekindle a flame that I thought was dying out.

However I had a guarded heart because I had been hurt in the past. I told myself, slow down because something that seems so perfect can’t be real. Even though every time you’d smile at me the butterflies would start fluttering, every time you’d tell me I was beautiful I’d believe it and when you kissed me my heart would race and stop, all at the same time.

That’s the moment I knew I was in trouble.

That no matter how much I wanted to pull back and keep you at bay I couldn’t. I found myself looking forward to the good morning text messages and late night conversations before bed. I couldn’t wait for Fridays and dreaded Sunday afternoons.

Here’s the thing about giving your heart away, you don’t get to control what that person does with it.

C.S Lewis says it best, “To love is to be vulnerable.”

I gave you my heart without you asking for it, and I know that can seem selfish in a way, especially when you weren’t expecting it. However I promised myself that when I could find a guy that could allow me to comfortable in my own skin and make me smile even when I did’t want to that I wasn’t going to hide behind my walls.  

So my walls are down and it scares the hell out of me. Relationships aren’t easy, especially if they are worth working towards. Have patience with me because I don’t know if I’m easy to love, because trust is hard for me. It’s not your fault how I’ve been treated in the past but I’m trusting you to not put me through it again, and I will try my best to not compare you to those in my past because it’s not fair to you.

I’m willing to take a risk on you, and fight for the relationship we both deserve. It’s not just a relationship I’m looking for but also a partnership. I’m not asking for forever, I’m asking for someone to enjoy the adventure with me.

Love is a game but I promise never to take advantage of you. Your feelings and thoughts are extremely important to me and I’ll never intentionally do anything to hurt you. One of my best traits is putting others before myself; so loving you will be easily done.

I’ll do this because I want you. Ever bit of you, even the stubborn parts.

I want us to make it and push through all the obstacles that are placed in front of us. I’ve trusted you enough to tell you about my demons and the scars that I live with. I want you to trust me, to realize that by giving you my heart, it means that I want to protect yours as well. I’ll constantly remind you that your past doesn’t have to define who you are in the future and that even when you think the worst of yourself I’ll think you’re a million bucks and I’ll show you that loving me despite it all is worth it.

I’m asking you to try.

I don’t own my heart now, I placed it in your hands and I know that you’ve been through an emotional bumpy ride with girls who took your kindness for granted. Please don’t put it through the ringer. They tell you to keep your guard up and only let people in half way, however I don’t do that. When I love, I love with my whole heart and I promise if you give me a chance you won’t regret it. I may get on your nerves at times but you’ll never find anyone more loyal than I am and you’ll never find a girl who loves you like I do.

Honesty

I saw a quote today that fits a small amount of what’s been floating around in my brain.

“I’ve stopped being sorry for all my soft. I won’t apologize because I miss you, or because I said it, or or because I text you first, or again. I think everyone spends too much time trying to close themselves off. I don’t want to be cool or indifferent, I want to be honest.”

Honesty. Something so simple yet lost in today’s society. Not just in social situations, relationships but also with ourselves. I’ve spent a lot of time by myself recently, which I think everyone should do because it not only gives you time to reflect on your current situations but allows you to refocus. A snap back into reality of some sort, to re-balance yourself. We’re too preoccupied and worried with what everyone else thinks of us and how our actions are going to perceived by the next person. Everyone thinks they are experts on life, and what we are supposed to do to succeed. However we are all truly just experts on our own lives, and it’s something we struggle with daily. We’re all too judgmental, of others, of situations we know nothing about and of ourselves. We’re too quick to see everyone elses flaws and not see our own, and we don’t compliment others anymore, or even ourselves.

I know I’m stubborn, hard headed, difficult at times, can be over dramatic, a little irrational at times, clingyish to a degree, late to almost everything, indecisive, an over-thinker, self conscious, emotional, a worrier, impatient, sarcastic, a little OCD at times, procrastination should be my middle name, klutzy and hard to  read at times. I don’t know when to quit, and I give 120% in everything I do, whether it be in my career, my education or my relationships with people. I take things to heart too easily, and I have a problem of thinking that everyone feels exactly like I do. I don’t take no for an answer very well, I cry during sad movies and t.v shows, I cry a lot. I don’t show my emotions to a lot of people, I hold things in and I let things build up.I’ve gone through more than most people my age has had to witness, things no one knows. I struggle with my image, and some days I feel like throwing in the towel.
However….

I persevere. I keep going no matter how much I want to give up. I’m kind of funny in my own way. I put my family and friends before myself. I’m loyal, it doesn’t matter what we’ve been through, if you need me I’m a phone call away. I laugh a lot, and attempt to always look on the bright side of life. I’m kind of a sap but that’s okay, I side on the romantic side. I’m a good listener and can read probably two books in one day. I can argue which I think can be a good trait. I’m focused and goal oriented. I’m learning to be comfortable in my own skin. I’m chatty, especially after a little bit of vodka. I’m a damn good baker and really good cook as well.

Audi in a nutshell. I won’t apologize for who I am and I won’t pretend to be someone that I’m not.

 

Honesty. Sometimes it’s what we all need.

Take the diagonal path

Vibrant reds and crisp yellows blow in the breezy fall air. A few green leaves are still attempting to hang onto the power they used to have over their space. Though they know their fate is inevitable and eventually whether green, red or yellow will turn brown and fall to the floor, their beauty muddled underneath the masses of feet that trample them, in a hurry to get to their next destination with not even a single glance back.

She sits under the tree, watching them fall but her mind is spiraling through so many different emotions that the crunch of the leaves brings her back to reality. She breathes deeply, lets out a loud sigh and allows herself to pulled down the path that leads to the crossroads of memory lane and the unknown. Instead of turning towards the left or the right she sits down in the middle of the intersection. Unwilling to run towards the unknown but knowing that memory lane brings back some of those feelings and thoughts that haunt her mind. She knows she can’t sit still for long, because the tears will start falling and she’ll lose to them. She always does. Though the world around her would never know, because she’s expected to be strong, to make it through everything with her head held high. The girl that’s always there for everyone, the first to forgive, to open herself up despite what she’s witnessed. She’s stubborn, let’s her emotions take over rationality, speaks before thinking, doesn’t hold back what she feels, and doesn’t give up easily. However because of this she’s vulnerable to the harshness of the world. Not everyone see’s things how she does, too many people lead life with their brain and let the what if’s and could haves consume them. She take’s criticism with a grain of salt, and is a slight perfectionist. She knows what she wants and she’s willing to fight for it until there isn’t anything left she can give. Defeat doesn’t sit well with her, in anything, her performances in life, her relationships with others and her relationship with her self. She’s her toughest critic, and struggles to see the good and focuses in on her flaws.

Her mind never shuts down, like Pi it just keeps going. She hides in her novels, James, Frost, and Williams because words are the things that keep her grounded. Writing allows her to express herself, to get the millions of words flowing from her brain out because if she tries to vocalize them they make little sense. The tears will come and the will go, and eventually she’ll get up and move towards the unknown, however she’ll take a more diagonal approach, because her mind can’t help but wander through the memories that her heart holds so close to her. They are the reasons she’s able to keep going into the unknown with a heavy but open heart. Though she’ll watch where she walks, sure to miss the leaves that have been cast aside, scattered on the ground because to her they’re still beautiful and they haven’t lost any of their power at all.

When adulting seems impossible

If only it were that easy right?
If only it were that easy right?

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just decide for a day that we no longer wanted to have responsibilities or worries or life struggles and just enjoy the simple bliss of seeing the world in a carefree light? To push off the assignments, work, life and all that it entails?

An adult pity party seems to be what we can call it, where you can whine about everything that’s bothering you for 24 hours and afterwards it’s time to pick yourself back up and be that contributing member of society you usually are.

Well today I’m at the front of the line, I’m cashing in my voucher and jumping on the train. Between bronchitis, work, class, 2 midterms, 2 papers, prepping for a debate tournament, switching everything over to my original last name, and going on an emotional roller coaster. I think I’ve earned my frequent crier miles.

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Deep breaths. Pity party over. Yeah that lasted maybe ten minutes. I don’t want to be pitied cause I’m overwhelmed, I don’t want to be the girl that everyone looks at and says “aw poor thing”. In 25 years I’ve learned several things, the main thing is that I’m not the type of girl to stay down for too long. I have my moments, okay my days and weeks that I’m not my 100% happy self. Nights where I sit in bed and wonder, “why me? What else can they throw at me cause I am at my wits end.” Then I think to myself, you’ve made it through so much more than some people go through in their entire life, so who care’s what anyone else thinks?

So yeah I may eat that entire thing of Ben and Jerry’s and I may watch the Notebook 1 or 2 times but alas the world isn’t going to be cruel to me always. I passed my Spanish Oral exam with an 86/100, and I’m confident that I’ll pass my Spanish midterm exam also. I only have to work for a few hours tomorrow and then it’s off to Vegas to rock out my second Open tournament in college debate. As of my emotional roller coaster, well that may not solve itself in 24 hours, but I’m working at it and that’s the best I can do.  After all we’re only human and sometimes it’s okay to take your own time.

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